Self Pity

I hate when people expect others to listen to every little thing they have to--or want to--say. When those people think their every thought is so vitally important to everyone else's existence to deny them the opportunity to hear these thoughts seems unthinkable. That being said: I'm going to do a little bit of a self-pity rant. Here's your forewarning...

I'm not that old. 26 is not that old! I know age is "mind over matter" and "relative" and all that jazz. I know a five year old thinks 30 is ancient and a 25 year old thinks 30 is still really young. I get all that. But why, oh why, do I feel like maybe I'm past my sell by date? haha In a serious note though, sometimes I wonder what it is about me that leaves me single at 26. Why is it so hard to find a good someone? 

I don't think I have unrealistic expectations. But maybe you can let me know: I want someone who's smart but can be a goofball too. Someone who really enjoys music--maybe they can play an instrument, but honestly, just someone who will listen and enjoy a good CD. Someone who likes watching sports and can appreciate a girl who actually knows sports. Someone who doesn't really do the bar thing or the "get completely obliterated every weekend" thing. I don't require them to make a ton of money--a job would be great though! haha I love going to the movies and hanging out at home--veggin out on the couch watching TV/movies...sometimes I like to turn the music up really loud and dance around the house while I'm cleaning. I need someone who can appreciate that! And I know my definition of attractive is different from most people's so I won't actually consider this. Oh, but they do have to have nice arms. lol

So that's my list. Please be honest: Is all that too much to expect? Is there really such a thing as expecting too much? Is it possible to get all those things? Or am I setting myself up for failure?

The thing of it is...sometimes I'm scared it may not be I am expecting too much. It may actually be I'm not everything myself I want from someone else. And am I beyond the point of finding the right someone? 

Call me old fashioned. Call me a disgrace to the feminine movement. (Yes, someone really did say that to me once.) But I always thought I'd be married with kids by now. That was my goal in life. To find the person who would be the father to my kids. That was it. My whole life's purpose was wrapped up in this one statement. All my friends wanted the careers and the degrees and the big houses with nice cars. Not me. But somehow I see all my friends with the things I want and here I am with the things I never really desired.

I have two degrees: a Bachelor's from WKU and a Masters from FIU. I majored in Recreation. I worked and worked and worked those 6 years in college. I had the drive at the time; I had a goal and I set my mind to it and I accomplished it. But that goal...well it was a goal I knew I'd meet in a specific time frame and now I don't know what the next step is. I also don't know what happened along the way. When did I decide to put my life's dream on the back burner and go for these other dreams? And how did I justify that to myself? Did I listen to the advice of others and go for the things everyone was telling me I should want? Or was I scared to go after the things I really want because they didn't seem big enough or enough-enough? 

Rejection is a normal part of life. I know that. Hell, I've been rejected a few times. It's only really hurt once that I can think of off the top of my head. But recently I thought someone was worth getting to know. I went out on a limb and gave them my number even. Then had to find out from someone else that they already had a girlfriend. Now maybe that's not a "real rejection," but it was compounded with all the other crap going on so it felt like a terrible rejection. I think I'm over it but I'll let you know.

And the last stop off on my tangent-rant. Can someone ever have two consecutive "good" days? If so, why can't I? Why is it that I work long days and feel like I'm not accomplishing anything? Why is it I come home and feel like I can't find my niche? I want to share days and nights and events and adventures with someone, but don't you have to have days and nights and events and adventures worth sharing first?

Okay, pity party is over. Now it's the weekend and all I have to do is take it one day at a time. Find those silver linings and overlook those puddles. Dance in the rain and write my own story. And whatever other cliches you can think of!