Positive affirmations to myself

People are always saying you should be happy in your own skin. You should be okay with the way you are because God made you that way. You should...you should...you should. Well BOLLOCKS to that!! I'm here to say "never except what you are given is all you have."

Okay, before I get a ton of people (all three of you who read this) sending me mean emails..just think about it: What you are given should be the starting point, the jumping off point to where you go. Now, I'm not trying to be weird or condone crazy antics (ahem: Heidi whats-her-face). I'm saying that just because you find yourself in a certain look, doesn't mean you have to feel stuck to it. 

So everyone feels better, I'll lay out some of my "issues." First, I am only 5 feet 2 inches tall, so if I put on even 5 pounds, you can tell. Given that on March 1st I was weighing in close to 170 (yes you read that right) pounds, eh...that's not so great. And no, I didn't "Love myself" then. I was ashamed I had let myself get to that point. It'd be one thing if I was always bigger, or if I could attribute that to muscle..or being pregnant. But no. I was just using my braces as a way to eat crap food. And it showed. Granted, I couldn't eat a lot of healthy things like carrots or even those protein bars when I had braces, so that didn't help. But still I made some poor choices in my diet and then followed it up with no exercise. All my fault. So now I'm fixing it. I've gotten to where I work out almost 5 times a week for at least half an hour (usually closer to an hour!!). And the difference is really starting to show. In my face--literally and figuratively. My face is usually the first place to slim down anyways, but now that I'm having more salads and water it's breaking out less and feels smoother. I haven't really changed my make-up routine so it's gotta be the diet/exercise. 

For those people who say it's easy to lose weight--let me tell you how WRONG they are! I have worked my rear end off for almost 2 months and I think I may have lost 4 pounds. But I'm totally okay because I know I am doing this in a healthy way. I'm not pounding pills. I'm not sustaining on liquid meals. I'm definitely not starving myself or purging. Do I cheat? Yep. I try not to have sodas because even I know how terrible they are for you. So I can get through an entire work week and be ok, But come Friday afternoon, suddenly I'm CRAVING a coca-cola! Who knows why. But guess what I found: You can go to Target or Wal-Mart and get sparkling water for like 74cents and it can taste soooo good. I'm lovin Pomegranate/Cherry from Target right now. I didn't even have a soda this weekend at all! I did have a small bit of ice cream so I can't say it was a perfect weekend, but that's so not necessary. Every day...every meal can be a victory. Work on replacing one "bad thing" on your plate for something better. When I first started, I would still eat at the Popeye's next to my work, but I choose mashed potatoes instead of fries. Now I bring my lunch most days and I can't even stand the smell of the fried food. It took me almost a month of weaning though to get there. Give it time!!


Second: I am the ULTIMATE GEEK!! At least it feels like it sometimes. I mean: I have bad eyesight, I break out sometimes, I wore braces, I'm short, I guess I'd say I'm "smart," and I really don't have that hourglass figure like I'd want. (I'm still trying to shape it! lol) But I am learning to address these things and work with (or around) them. 

• I usually wear contacts, but I have found some cute glasses I like to wear. They are more funky than the ones I grew up wearing, so I feel fun and hip and cool and QUIRKY (not dorky) when I wear them. 
• Break outs just generally suck. Eh I can't fix that. But I stopped trying to cake on the make-up because it only made them worse. Now I buy GOOD face cleansers (you get what you pay for, right?) and make-up that draws attention where I want it. I've learned how to apply make-up so I don't feel under- or over-done. 
• I just got my braces off today so that one thing right there made me feel 100 times cuter! (Hey I'll admit it: I'm a little vain/proud!) I can tell I walk straighter and smile more and they've only been off for about 12 hours! lol 
• Can't fix my height so I embrace it. I actually don't wear heels that often. 1) Because they are the devil! Totally uncomfortable. and 2) Because wearing heels to me is kind of like wearing 2 padded bras: People know what's going on and you just end up looking stupid! Flats can be cute and comfy and complete the outfit just as well.
• I like that I'm generally smart. I know the areas that I have more knowledge in and am able to see where I can learn from others. Plus, I just generally like to learn things. This is something about myself that I have always known and learned early on that someone somewhere will appreciate it. Until then...
• I mentioned my weight before, so I'm not going to harp on that. I just know that the goal isn't to be "small," it's to be STRONG.

Third--and final for tonight--I always compare myself to those around and sometimes find I'm not where I think I should be. I mean, I have a lot of friends with kids and that's something I've always wanted. Even my younger sisters are closer to the marriage and baby thing than I seem to be right now...So I could feel like a failure because I don't have that yet. But I try really hard not to. I have to remind myself that I made a choice to continue my education and move around a lot. Those things made it difficult to "settle." It's actually oxymoronic if you think about it: you can't settle if you're constantly moving, right? So there you go. You can't regret the things you did because of the things you wish you had now. You have to be okay with what's in front of you and work on achieving those next steps.

Ultimately, yes, you have to be okay with the core you. I have to be okay with the fact I am full of random and mostly useless knowledge. I have to be okay with the fact I have bad eyes. I have to be okay with the fact I will always be shorter than almost every person I meet. I CANNOT change these things. But the things I don't like and can change: Well now I am actively working on changing every single one of them. No surgeries. No implants or suctions or drains...nothing weird or crazy. Just healthy living and healthy choices.

Final food for thought:

God gave us sand and water, but it takes some work to make a beautiful sand castle, right?