Bucket List

A lot of people say "Oh I'd like to do that someday" or "Before I die, I'm definitely doing this." The sad thing is, along the way, we all tend to forget those little things we wanted to do. Sure, we might remember the big things--who's going to forget that at one point they wanted to see the Taj Mahal?!? But sometimes, it's those little things we wanted to do that never get done. And the shame in that is, sometimes it's the little things we can most easily do and which would bring the most joy to our life, even if comparatively speaking.

What are some of the things on your bucket list? Can you even remember anymore? I don't ever want to forget the things that made my heart skip a beat in excitement or fear or anticipation. So here I am, posting some of my bucket list. Maybe I'll be able to keep adding to it and checking things off as I "grow up."

• Ride an elephant in India. One of those elephants draped in rich, luscious fabrics and seed pearls and all those things you see in the Bollywood movies.
• Go on a cruise. Not exactly sure how I feel about this one, so I'd settle for just a little 3-dayer. That'd be good enough.
• Do at least a week long back country tour of Ireland, Scotland, England. Like a week each.
• Go to Cuba.
• Do a "history tour" of marathon and other Greek places from Greek myths.
• Visit: Rockford, Racine, Kenosha, and South Bend. These are all the places the first Women's Pro-Baseball teams played.
• See a Notre Dame football game at home.
• See a Steelers game at home.
• Swim with dolphins.
• Do a Jane Austen "history tour."
• Publish a photograph or sell a calendar of my photos.
• Go to Egypt.
• Visit my family in Italy.
• Meet Ginnifer Goodwin 
• Meet Colin Firth
• See a Kenny Chesney concert.
• Ride a train cross country.
• Write and publish a story or poem.

So these are the things I can think of off the top of my head. As you can see, they range from really simple to really exotic. Some things I can knock off soon and some will require a lot of planning. And of course, there's a LOT of traveling! Any ideas on things you think I should add?

Self-worth

"Lately it seems I've been going on a lot of First Dates." 

This is one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies: The American President, particularly because, right now, it's so true for me. I feel like I'm going on a lot of "initial" dates and a lot of actual, physical dates. Hey hey now, mind out of the gutter. What I mean is I am actually showing up, meeting these people, taking the time to get to know them and participate in a face-to-face conversations. I'm making a physical presence--though sometimes, especially on these truly terrible dates, I may not be making much of a mental presence! lol

The "initial dates" aren't technically dates. I just mean I'm putting myself out there more on the online dating site. For those of you not privileged enough to know how this online thing works, here's the gist: Everyday they send you like 7 or 8 matches. If you're like me and have your emails alerted through your phone, you'll agree it's not *that* weird for me to know that these matches come through around 6:30 every morning.So then you get up, take a look at their profile, see their basic info (height, age, occupation, general likes, etc) and decide if you are at all interested. If not, you can archive the match to review later or archive and then immediately close it. If you are interested, even just a wee bit, then you send them 5 multiple choice questions. IF they think you're interesting too, they'll answer and send YOU 5 questions. Next you'll send them a list of 10 things you *MUST HAVE" and 10 things you "Can't Stand." They send you their list and 3 open ended questions. You answer those and send yours. Then it's email time. Again, this is only if you continue to think they are worth talking to. At any point you can "Close" the match. Got it so far? Okay good.

There's really one point which made me want to write this blog. It was because someone sent me their "Must Haves/Can't Stands." Included in this list was a "Must Have" of "Attractive by today's standards." Whenever I see this I automatically want to Archive and immediately close this match. I mean, seriously? This is a Catch 22 if I ever saw one! Think about it. If someone says they are looking for a person attractive by today's standards, what's that even mean? Does it mean they want someone exotic looking like Selma Hayek? Do they want the girl next door like Anne Hathaway? Do they want a "blond bimbo" like Pam Anderson? Do they want a stick figure like Charlize Theron? What does it mean?!?!? And apparently they are really focused on looks, so that's not someone I could really build a relationship with anyways. So yeah, I usually just close that match.

The other catch is you can't really say you want someone attractive by *your* standards because that's sort of a (excuse my language here) "No Shit Sherlock" moment. We all want someone we find attractive. Not to sound superficial, but if I don't find you physically attractive, the relationship will not go anywhere. But the type of person I find attractive is sooo not what most people find attractive, it's not like I'm demanding the most good looking guys only to "apply." No, not at all. Example: I know a lot of people who consider bodybuilders or guys who are real "muscle-y" to be attractive. I do not. In fact, the second I see someone who clearly makes it another job to work out, I tend to make a "face," on accident of course. I'm sure most of these guys are great guys. I know they can be because I've worked with a lot of guys like that; I'm just not physically attracted to them. Unless they are Vin Diesel. Yeah, he's my exception to the rule, if you will. LOL

I just mean, I have to have a physical reaction to you in a good way.

Then tonight I really got to thinking about it. There's another level on which this "today's standards" thing gets me. I almost missed it at first, but it really hit me tonight. The second I see something like that, I get defensive and/or down on myself. I have this sort of internal monologue where I definitively say: "Well, I don't really think I'm what today's standards would consider attractive, I'm just me. So this clearly won't work." And I close the match. It's that sort of thinking though that isn't healthy. Think about it. I just mentioned four different types of attractive women. I happen to think Selma Hayek would wipe her boots with Pam Anderson. If asked who my "girl crush" is between Anne and Charlize, best believe I'd pick Anne. So there's no clear cut "Hot of Today" by which I can judge myself as meeting their criteria or falling short. Basically I think of myself in the following way: 

• I don't think I'm fat. Honest. True, like any girl, I have days where I don't feel cute or I feel "big," but in a general sense--looking at myself objectively--I don't think I'm fat. That being said, no one would ever call me "skinny" either. I mean--and I'm about to be REAL honest here--at a size 9/10 you cannot in good conscience say you are skinny. No matter your height. A 9/10 can be considered a healthy size yeah. Totally. But not skinny.
• My hair is starting to be nice again!! I really like my color and highlights--or maybe it's just I don't want to completely fry my hair, so I'm going to make myself love the color! lol Either way, it's working for me now. And the cut...I am turning into one of those "I will only see so-and-such." My hairdresser is AMAZING!! She cuts my hair exactly how I want AND need it. I can finally wear it curly or straight again. It's been awhile since my hair allowed me to style it both ways! (Maybe only the girls will truly understand the importance in this! lol)
• I'm accepting of the fact I have to wear my glasses now. Since I have worn contacts so long (and been breaking the rules on how long you should wear one set for almost as long!), I have developed an astigmatism and weakened my eyes. The docs say the best way to help my eyes is to take the contacts out and wear my glasses. Having fought this for almost 18 years, I am finally understanding of my vision-situation and willing to wear the glasses. Good thing I get to pick out some cute ones now!
• I get told all the time I look YOUNG. Like "Still in high school" young. At least once a week someone mistakes me for a junior in high school. Yeah, that takes a good DECADE off. Everyone says I'll appreciate this when I'm older; maybe I will. But right now, I am young. I want to be taken seriously and few people take 16 year old girls seriously. Am I right?
• I actually hate my braces. I know, I work in a dental field. I'm supposed to love and appreciate them. The fact is: When you are already short, "not skinny," have glasses, and look 16...the last thing your ego needs is another knock with braces!! It's a total vanity/pride thing, but I'm being real honest right now. I keep hoping my ortho doc will decide they are good to go and take them off any day now. So far,  no such luck. lol

I TRULY hate this particular "Must Have." Can we please remove it from the options? Thanks! :) That being said, I am probably going to just go ahead and continue "communicating" with guys who have it listed. I can't continue to judge them harshly for putting that; just like I can't continue to judge myself harshly as falling short. 

"By Today's Standards"--kiss my Aztec! :-P

Dating isn't for the light-hearted

I'm trying not to let this blog turn into a "Dis on Dating" even if it does seem like it might be that way. So last night I had another date. And no, it wasn't with "Oscar" as I'm going to call him now (as in Oscar the grouch). No this guy seemed really great. We'll call him "Harvey." (Harvey Dent, Harvey Two-Faced...)

So I get into the city and meet him at the restaurant. The conversation was a LOT better than the night before! We eased from one conversation to another. If I tried to explain it, you'd say to me: "Rosie, this sounds just like your date 'Oscar'." And yes, from the outside and just giving the basics, it would seem like the same. So why was this dinner conversation with 'Harvey' better? I guess it was just his personality. He didn't make it seem like an interrogation. Then the check came. He not only wouldn't let me pay, he wouldn't even let me see the check. Such a nice change! We walked to his car where he drove us to the theatre. Again, he wouldn't let me pay. All this sounds great, right? Yeah well this is when it goes downhill.

So the movie is about to start and he pulls the ole "yawn, stretch, put his arm around." That's not so bad except he practically forced me to sit in his lap!!! OH EM GEE!!! Yeah and then he starts like rubbing up and down on my arms--for a good 30 minutes!! Every time I tried to "stretch" (a.k.a. pull away) he would pull me back and ask if I was scared. We were watching Immortals so--no. No, I wasn't scared. I was finally able to pull away and sit in my own seat, but the rest of the movie I was like a board. I didn't move a muscle for the next HOUR! Man, I was starting to think this guy had potential. But this... It's one thing to try and hold my hand on the first date. That's an acceptable attempt at contact. I would have still NOT, but at least that's an understandable and even respectable attempt. To make someone YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW utterly and completely uncomfortable... 

So now, back to square one. I have 28 days left with this online dating thing. If you were to ask me right now if I would sign on for another 3 months, I'd give you an emphatic NO. I know people look at me and think "You're still so young. You don't need to fret over finding someone right now." But the fact is I honestly feel like I have achieved most every professional goal I've set for myself. I never had any TRUE career ambitions. I studied things that interested me because they interested me. If the cards would have fallen in a way that I could have continued on in my field AND had a family, I might have stayed in it. But the fact is my personal goals have ALWAYS outranked my professional ones. Since I was four years old I have known I wanted to be a mother. Every "career" decision I made was with that in mind. Being a mom is 100, a 1000 times more important to me than being a successful business woman. I guess that's why most new-age feminists I meet hate me! lol

Please send me prayers, condolences, laughter (at my predicament)... lol I'm definitely going to need them these next 4 weeks!

First Date Disaster

UGH!! I had the *WORST* first date ever last night. Yes, it was so bad I had to immediately get on here and blog about it. I hope this post does 2 things. 1) It helps me just vent it out and move on. I thinking if I keep dwelling on it inside, then I will stay dwelling on it--vicious cycle. Maybe, once it's out there (or maybe more like once it's on here) I will be done with it and move on. 2? Well maybe those of you who read this-guy and girl-will take something away. Learn from my mistakes--and my date's!

Okay, so I went all out for this date. Highlights, mani, cute outfit. Yeah. Seriously, I know!! Ugh, wasted. Good thing I needed all these anyways, otherwise I might not be as gracious about that. Not even ONE COMPLIMENT!! Seriously guys...throw a girl a "Nice shirt" something. Let her know that you think she's at least passable if not "drop at her feet" attractive. I'm sure every girl spends time getting ready. Let her know you appreciate the effort. Ugh.

Oh, and when you are having a conversation with someone, don't make them utterly uncomfortable. Don't stare them down like Gibbs in the interrogation room. It's not fun to try and have a conversation when they stare at you, never once blinking, even as he takes a drink of his water. I understand that first, second, even third dates are when you are trying to get to know the other person. But really, it's like facing the Spanish Inquisition!! 

When the check comes is probably not the best time to say: "I only have a debit card." I never thought I was one of those "Guys pay on the first date." Turns out: I am. I mean, yeah, I understand it's the 21st Century, but I'm willing to bet you didn't just drop $$ on getting ready. From the looks of the clothes he donned, he's owned those things since his college days, maybe even his high school days!! So yeah, I'm more "Southern" or "old-fashioned" than I thought. Guys: pick up the tab on a dinner and a movie. Don't make it awkward. Because if you are willing to shell out the $50, we're more willing to go on a 2nd date. It shows you aren't a tight-fisted jackwad. Just sayin'.

Oh and doors. Yes, you opened up the restaurant door. Good job. That car door is still a door you should open for her. Again, with the appreciation. 

Finally: Don't go telling me ANYONE in your family is a pacifist. Being as my mom, my dad, my Uncle Bill, Uncle Tom, Uncle Punkin, AND Uncle Sam ALL SERVED....that shite just won't fly.  Maybe I need a military man myself. Someone who will understand my background and I can appreciate their present and future.

I'm from the south. I might live in the north, but I will ALWAYS be a Southern girl. I want the ultimate southern gent. I want a strong man with gentle hands. I want a man who will shoulder my burdens and will trust me to shoulder theirs. I want a guy who will protect me but not smother me. I'm really beginning to think those guys exist only in the movies or the south. Neither of which are available to me right now.

I'ma Little Nervous

So I know I've put on here a couple of times that I am doing the online dating thing. I had my first date in over 5 years! (Yeah, I feel slightly pathetic having that out there but here's to being completely honest.) Let's just say that one did not go over so well. Eh honestly, after he arrived 25 minutes late, I was a little over it; so I might not have been "on" as they say. Either way, that match is closed and I'm on to the next. Or the next two. I actually have two dates this weekend. And needless to say, I am incredibly nervous!

So the first date is tomorrow. We're going to eat dinner or "chat" at Longhorn and then go see Hugo in 3D. Yeah I picked the movie. But I really wanted to see it so I figured "What the hey." Back up a little bit. I was matched with a 30 year old English teacher. I talked to this guy online for about two weeks. We sent lengthy emails answering each others questions (favorite food? Least favorite movie? How do you spend your free time?) going back and forth. He seemed like a nice and interesting guy. So, after 2 weeks, I was okay with giving him my cell. I figured: We emailed for 2 weeks; we'll text for 2 weeks or so...Nope he went and called the next day. And I must say, it was really awkward. :-/ Not sure if it was just that I was in a hurry trying to get to my friend's house (we were going to trivia & I was running behind and caught in traffic); or if he just wasn't as interesting as I'd initially thought. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

Then there's the 27 year old finance guy. We only sent like 3 messages and they were more straight to the point. When he asked if I wanted to meet up/exchange #s, I was a little more hesitant. But then he texted me and it wasn't near as awkward as I had thought it might be. He asked if I wanted to do a movie or dinner and drinks. In the end we decided to do Chicago Q (which my boss has been RAVING about for weeks now. I can't wait to try it) and then we are going to see Immortals. I have been DYING to see this movie since September/October. Whenever it was they first put out previews for it! lol Finance Guy isn't as--I don't want to say pushy, but you get the general idea--as Teacher Guy. 

Now here's the thing. I have soo much to do tomorrow: haircut/highlights, mani/pedi, mystic tan, get at least one new outfit....Shew. I wonder if I can get everything done! I am glad that there's so much to do, because maybe it will keep me from being nervous all day before I meet up with Teacher Guy. If I have too much time to myself, I might psych myself out on this one.

What are the "rules" of dating casually? Who picks up the check? What do you wear? Do you hug at the end or shake hands? Ugh...dating was so much simpler when I *WASN'T* dating! lol Wish me luck.