"Lately it seems I've been going on a lot of First Dates."
This is one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies: The American President, particularly because, right now, it's so true for me. I feel like I'm going on a lot of "initial" dates and a lot of actual, physical dates. Hey hey now, mind out of the gutter. What I mean is I am actually showing up, meeting these people, taking the time to get to know them and participate in a face-to-face conversations. I'm making a physical presence--though sometimes, especially on these truly terrible dates, I may not be making much of a mental presence! lol
The "initial dates" aren't technically dates. I just mean I'm putting myself out there more on the online dating site. For those of you not privileged enough to know how this online thing works, here's the gist: Everyday they send you like 7 or 8 matches. If you're like me and have your emails alerted through your phone, you'll agree it's not *that* weird for me to know that these matches come through around 6:30 every morning.So then you get up, take a look at their profile, see their basic info (height, age, occupation, general likes, etc) and decide if you are at all interested. If not, you can archive the match to review later or archive and then immediately close it. If you are interested, even just a wee bit, then you send them 5 multiple choice questions. IF they think you're interesting too, they'll answer and send YOU 5 questions. Next you'll send them a list of 10 things you *MUST HAVE" and 10 things you "Can't Stand." They send you their list and 3 open ended questions. You answer those and send yours. Then it's email time. Again, this is only if you continue to think they are worth talking to. At any point you can "Close" the match. Got it so far? Okay good.
There's really one point which made me want to write this blog. It was because someone sent me their "Must Haves/Can't Stands." Included in this list was a "Must Have" of "Attractive by today's standards." Whenever I see this I automatically want to Archive and immediately close this match. I mean, seriously? This is a Catch 22 if I ever saw one! Think about it. If someone says they are looking for a person attractive by today's standards, what's that even mean? Does it mean they want someone exotic looking like Selma Hayek? Do they want the girl next door like Anne Hathaway? Do they want a "blond bimbo" like Pam Anderson? Do they want a stick figure like Charlize Theron? What does it mean?!?!? And apparently they are really focused on looks, so that's not someone I could really build a relationship with anyways. So yeah, I usually just close that match.
The other catch is you can't really say you want someone attractive by *your* standards because that's sort of a (excuse my language here) "No Shit Sherlock" moment. We all want someone we find attractive. Not to sound superficial, but if I don't find you physically attractive, the relationship will not go anywhere. But the type of person I find attractive is sooo not what most people find attractive, it's not like I'm demanding the most good looking guys only to "apply." No, not at all. Example: I know a lot of people who consider bodybuilders or guys who are real "muscle-y" to be attractive. I do not. In fact, the second I see someone who clearly makes it another job to work out, I tend to make a "face," on accident of course. I'm sure most of these guys are great guys. I know they can be because I've worked with a lot of guys like that; I'm just not physically attracted to them. Unless they are Vin Diesel. Yeah, he's my exception to the rule, if you will. LOL
I just mean, I have to have a physical reaction to you in a good way.
Then tonight I really got to thinking about it. There's another level on which this "today's standards" thing gets me. I almost missed it at first, but it really hit me tonight. The second I see something like that, I get defensive and/or down on myself. I have this sort of internal monologue where I definitively say: "Well, I don't really think I'm what today's standards would consider attractive, I'm just me. So this clearly won't work." And I close the match. It's that sort of thinking though that isn't healthy. Think about it. I just mentioned four different types of attractive women. I happen to think Selma Hayek would wipe her boots with Pam Anderson. If asked who my "girl crush" is between Anne and Charlize, best believe I'd pick Anne. So there's no clear cut "Hot of Today" by which I can judge myself as meeting their criteria or falling short. Basically I think of myself in the following way:
- I don't think I'm fat. Honest. True, like any girl, I have days where I don't feel cute or I feel "big," but in a general sense--looking at myself objectively--I don't think I'm fat. That being said, no one would ever call me "skinny" either. I mean--and I'm about to be REAL honest here--at a size 9/10 you cannot in good conscience say you are skinny. No matter your height. A 9/10 can be considered a healthy size yeah. Totally. But not skinny.
- My hair is starting to be nice again!! I really like my color and highlights--or maybe it's just I don't want to completely fry my hair, so I'm going to make myself love the color! lol Either way, it's working for me now. And the cut...I am turning into one of those "I will only see so-and-such." My hairdresser is AMAZING!! She cuts my hair exactly how I want AND need it. I can finally wear it curly or straight again. It's been awhile since my hair allowed me to style it both ways! (Maybe only the girls will truly understand the importance in this! lol)
- I'm accepting of the fact I have to wear my glasses now. Since I have worn contacts so long (and been breaking the rules on how long you should wear one set for almost as long!), I have developed an astigmatism and weakened my eyes. The docs say the best way to help my eyes is to take the contacts out and wear my glasses. Having fought this for almost 18 years, I am finally understanding of my vision-situation and willing to wear the glasses. Good thing I get to pick out some cute ones now!
- I get told all the time I look YOUNG. Like "Still in high school" young. At least once a week someone mistakes me for a junior in high school. Yeah, that takes a good DECADE off. Everyone says I'll appreciate this when I'm older; maybe I will. But right now, I am young. I want to be taken seriously and few people take 16 year old girls seriously. Am I right?
- I actually hate my braces. I know, I work in a dental field. I'm supposed to love and appreciate them. The fact is: When you are already short, "not skinny," have glasses, and look 16...the last thing your ego needs is another knock with braces!! It's a total vanity/pride thing, but I'm being real honest right now. I keep hoping my ortho doc will decide they are good to go and take them off any day now. So far, no such luck. lol
I TRULY hate this particular "Must Have." Can we please remove it from the options? Thanks! :) That being said, I am probably going to just go ahead and continue "communicating" with guys who have it listed. I can't continue to judge them harshly for putting that; just like I can't continue to judge myself harshly as falling short.
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